I was invited into many homes and personal spaces with my camera. I captured love in all of its many forms, and my most favourite pictures are the ones that are oozing with emotion. I always feel so humbled by being in the present moment with a family, witnessing the intimate moments shared between them; of pure joy, of good humour, or sometimes just plain crankiness. Each of these has something to offer when it comes to creating memories that they can all share as the years go on.
Because I faced a lot of struggles this year my "best of" collection is not as big as I'd hoped. As much as I love some of these images, I felt some disappointment in creating this post, knowing that I should have shot more this year. I fell behind on marketing myself and pushing into new areas because of a number of personal things that took over. Being real with you, I went through some significant struggles with anxiety this year. My husband and I then lost my father-in-law in a sudden accident, he was taken from us at far too young an age. Following that, I looked forward to being able to share some positive news with friends and family that we were going to be expecting our first child somewhere around June of this year. Unfortunately before that was possible, I ended up having a miscarriage at 11 weeks due to a rare abnormality called a complete molar pregnancy. Miscarriage is a heartbreaking thing that many women go through but which is not often talked about. I had the added anguish of the concern for my own health, since this rare case will involve an entire year of follow-up to ensure I am healthy before being cleared to try for a baby again. I have gone through many ups and downs of feeling sad, scared and alone. I think it is really important to bring our insecurities to the forefront. The more they are known and talked about, the easier it is to work through them together, since none of us are unaffected by the trials and tribulations of life.
Some people are able to use their creativity even more when they're upset and create amazing work. Personally I withdrew from my work, and my camera stayed in the bag for long stretches. Part of me regrets that, however I think I also needed the time apart from my work to simply feel and grieve, and get back to it when I was ready.
I'd like to say I'll tackle this year with a new vigour, as the threshold of a new start gives me some resolve to improve in lots of ways. But I do understand the very fact that being human means sometimes needing to let go, and allow things to unfold without pushing too hard. Lately I've really had to learn to let go, since we cannot control the natural order of things. Some things just happen. It had made me realize how much of an intense control freak I have been all these years, without really thinking of myself that way. It can be difficult to adapt to change, especially the super unpredictable and scary kinds that we face.
My goals for this year are to try and embrace the chaos, to be able to sit back and see things unfolding around me without the need to control them. In so doing, I hope this will encourage my creativity even more. I have plans to branch out into a bunch of new creative endeavours this year, making things with my hands and creating a lot more personal photography. I hope to travel and maybe even take some new courses and workshops to broaden my horizons. What are your hopes and dreams for this year? Are you working through any specific struggles?
I hope you'll continue to join me on this journey.
Sending you all the courage you need to achieve your dreams this year - or maybe just to be okay with where you are already. Xo